Good afternoon crickets. Welcome to day number two-hundred-fifty-six of Operation Achieve Anything. I think last night was the night that I finally fulfilled my fear of burning myself out by burning the candle at both ends. Last week, not only did I start a new graveyard schedule in order to facilitate the significant cleaning plans for this blog, but I’ve also started walking for the sake of health once again, while also starting a new diet where I’m not only limiting the types and amounts of food I’m eating, I’m also limiting the time window when I can partake of these meals.

I actually feel great from each individual piece of these efforts. I’m already down around thirty pounds from the walking. I feel better physically and mentally after cutting out soda, sugar, and junk food in general. Most importantly, I feel much better about my efforts toward turning this blog from a hobby into a replacement part-time job because I can already see encouraging signs of progress, and I’ve only updated less than ten percent of my content so far.

I really feel that I’m on the right track, but my exhaustion levels are at a new high. I knew this would happen though. Since I’ve lived with myself for over forty-two-years, I know that starting new challenges/projects can put me in a manic state where I feel no need for sleep because there is just too much to be done. Then I work at a frantic pace until I completely crash. These crashes can either lead me to give up or inspire me to discover a more manageable process to get to the end.

Though I often give up on private/personal goals, when it comes to these challenges, it’s rare that I ever give up. Even when I lost faith in my ability to complete my 365 Days of Resolution challenge due to my midlife meltdown and complete lack of funds, I still road the challenge out even if I was reporting on my failures. I still see this as a success because failing on individual tasks was factored into the original plan for the challenge as a whole.

I’m tracking these health-based challenges through a brand new challenge-based social media site called ChallengeAchieved.com. It’s a simple site at this point, but it does really help to stick to these non-blog-worthy mini-challenges because it keeps me accountable. Though I call these mini-challenges, the health ones are probably more important than anything else I’m currently working on because of how unhealthy I’ve become since leaving Seattle to pursue my shut-in dreams.

This actually goes against yesterday’s assignment where I was supposed to continue my efforts to either improve my connection with old friends or make brand new connections with strangers. Part of my problem is the fact that I don’t really know myself because I spent so many years performing as a character of myself in order to entertain others. Right now, I need to really work through who I actually am.

About a year ago, I made my first efforts to reach out since leaving Seattle and actually started to date someone who I met on the internet. In the past, I probably would have road things out but having a relationship not only meant having less time but it also meant having someone else who needed more from me that I was willing and/or able to give since I’ve yet to settle into a place where I feel comfortable with myself.

So, it’s not that I’ve entirely given up on the idea of other, I just see it more like how after many women get out of long-term relationships they will openly admit to shifting their focus to learning who they are outside of a relationship. Though not romantic, I’ve experienced the same sense of losing myself by continually needing others. I feel that once I’ve conquered seeing this unhealthy approach to needing others, then maybe I could start to get more involved with the social aspects of my life. Until then, I’m finding that I have the most fun just hanging out with myself. I only feel bad based on the external pressures of others who don’t understand my reclusive outlook on life.

Most people don’t understand that you can be happy and alone because all that they see is the misery induced by the interruption of solitude time. I’m often told how it’s impossible to be alone and happy with evidence being “You don’t seem all that happy right now,” without a hint of them seeing the irony that it is literally impossible for them to see me when I’m alone and in a writing groove while listening to my favorite podcast.

Granted, I would not recommend this way of life to anyone strive for, but I also don’t think the people who naturally desire a solo road should always be discouraged. I’m getting to the point where I believe that the only thing wrong with me mentally is that I don’t have the same standard goals as the rest of modern society. It’s everyone else’s passive attempt to get me to settle with normalcy that has me feeling like I’m out of my mind when I just want to do what I love whether or not I succeed, fail, or ever fit in anywhere.

So, even though I failed to adequately fulfill yesterday’s task with this post, it’s the perfect transition into today’s assignment where I'm supposed to have the courage to take the hypothetical less-traveled-road. Granted the book meant something simple like going out of my comfort zone to try a new type of food but, as I said, I’m in a bit of a manic state, so I’m working under the go big while I’m living back home.

Of course, I’ll delve deeper into this topic when I check in with tomorrow’s update. Until then, it’s now time for me to sign off as usual by saying, good day and good luck to you and all of your projects.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker

P.S. Below are links to my novel, which I plan to promote as part of Operation Achieve Anything, as well as a link to where you can buy the book that is providing the structure to this project in case you would like to purchase it in order to play along.